I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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