So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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