I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
