I'm really into asian looking animals
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
