And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
