Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
