I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
