how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize