Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
