if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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