haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
