well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
