We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
