If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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