To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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