Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
