Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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