Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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