The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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