i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
