I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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