My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
