So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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