wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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