never play flip cup with pint glasses
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize