evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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