Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
