OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
