I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
