She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
