Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
