Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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