It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
