I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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