somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
