Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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