OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Two words: blizzard sex
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
