A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
