you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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