i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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