Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
