you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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