It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize