im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
