You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
