I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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