Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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