Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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