im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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