Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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