What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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