Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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