dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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