Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
