the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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