You're completely useless in the revolution.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
