Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
wow bdsm is so cute
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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