Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
