So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
