I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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