2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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