3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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