Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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