I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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