So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
pop tarts are not kleenex
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
