can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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