dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
