So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
