also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
