shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize