shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
