I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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