He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
