The best revenge is premature balding
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
