home. puking in laundry basket.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
