i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
