I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
