you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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