He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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