I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
