I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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