ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
