Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
