And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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