Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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