so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
only if we run a train.
done.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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