ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just want to make out with him forever
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize