Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
