You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
