matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
People in love make me want to vomit
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
