so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
