next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
