I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
