I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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