Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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