when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
