I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize