WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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