ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
