He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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