I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
