Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
