last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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