apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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