I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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