We're like a lot better than the average bears
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
