Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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