He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
