Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize