I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
