Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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