Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize