So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
