so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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