dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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