We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize