Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
How does one acquire holy water?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
