____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
