Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
