You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
